In yesterday’s post we talked about cultivating curiosity in order to strengthen your creative muscle. Be curious, dig deep, and ask questions. When you do ask questions, you will occasionally hear the dreaded, “No!”
It’s amazing how much that little two letter word can affect your positive mindset. Then the thoughts of rejection set in. The thing is, rejection doesn’t exist.
It’s a myth!
How can you say that?
There’s no way that it is a myth. I have been rejected, so I know it is real.
I’ll try to explain. How many times have you wanted to ask someone for something, but never followed through because you were afraid they would say no? You won’t try to close the sale for fear of the customer telling you no. You don’t ask the pretty girl out because you’re afraid she will say no. You won’t ask your boss for a raise for that same fear of the no.
I know it feels very real, but it isn’t. Rejection doesn’t exist.
Fear of the non-existent rejection however is very real. And it can stop you dead in your tracks. Many people fear rejection so much they quit taking any type of action that would keep them moving forward.
Don’t make the mistake of linking their no to your self-worth. When a person tells you no, remember there are a lot of factors to take into consideration. Most likely none of them have anything to do with you personally. Maybe they are preoccupied with things they need to get done, or they had a big fight with their spouse or business partner right before your interaction with them. It could simply be that they just don’t want what you have to offer.
Let me ask you this, was the customer going to buy from you before you started your presentation without you asking them to buy? Was the pretty girl going to go out with you before you asked her? Was your boss going to give you a great big raise before you asked for one? Probably not, so the answer to all of the questions above was no to begin with.
You need to realize that the answer is always no to every question that you don’t ask.
If you do work up the courage to ask and they tell you no, you’re situation is the same as before you asked.
Learn to take action in spite of the answer being a no. Free yourself from the fear of the mythical thing called rejection. Stop giving so much authority to control your thoughts over those that are bound to tell you no from time to time.
Remember, even when you hear a NO, it is not always about you, so continue to take action and keep moving forward.
“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.” – Bo Bennett
Here are a couple of challenges for you to help break this fear:
- Next time you are at the coffee shop, order your coffee then ask the barista if you can have it for free. They will probably look at you a little funny and tell you no. You were going to pay for it anyway so nothing really changed. But on a rare occasion, they will smile and give you a free coffee, and we all know how much better free coffee tastes.
- When you’re out on the street and you see someone with clothing or features that you find interesting, compliment them on that and ask them if you can take their picture. It may surprise you just how many yeses you will get compared to the dreaded no. You will still occasionally get a no, but remember you didn’t have their picture to begin with, so you didn’t really lose anything.
A wise friend once told me to look at it this way, “Shane when you ask others to give you help, advice, or things, some will. Some won’t. So what? Next!”
So, learn to ask for things you want. Most of the time the answer will be no, and you are not any worse off than before you asked. But if you ask enough people, you will find a yes.